12.24.07
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It’s one of those times where I wish I could just hit the fast forward button on my life. Maybe just for a while.
I know that means missing out on a number of things, but there’s the hope that things would be different than they are now. But more than likely I’d just end up feeling the same way I do now.
I feel like the damsel waiting in the tower for someone to come and rescue me, but maybe i should be working on a rope to get myself down.
This isn’t a pity post, so I don’t need words of comfort or concern. If anything it’s just a purge. As I sit and reflect of the past year, it has been good, but with that good has come much pain and anguish, and so that makes it hard to focus on all the good and joy that I’ve experienced so far.
I’m in the midst of a crisis of self. I’m not too sure of who I am. Who I want to be, how to get there, or even who I want to become.
I need a breath of air. Clean crisp air that clears the mind of the fog that’s engulfed me.
In that way I’m excited that this year I get to spend some peace and quiet by myself on christmas. I’m going to sleep in, wake up cook a good meal, and maybe take a drive down to the beach or something. If I can motivate myself to get out of the house.
In a lot of ways I need an extended sabbath to search God’s heart, see if mine is lining up.
My brain and emotions are going so fast I can’t even read the signs by the side of the road that God wants me to read.
Stop.
Breathe.
Listen.
Be.
Isn’t that what the christmas story is about?