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lurky
I’m in a lurk-er mode right now. Sorry to all of you who have been leaving comments. I do go to your blogs as well. Just haven’t had the motivation to post any comments or anything. Don’t take it personal. Just chalk it up to the phase that I’m in right now.
Still trying to do some figuring things out and maybe then I’ll be more motivated to say somethings and do some processing of my own, as well with you all too.
Know that I do care about what’s going on in all of your lives and I’m not being a jerk to be a jerk.
I’m still on the journey as we all share together and we are all here to help one another.
mute
Lots of things rolling through and around my head, but not really sure what or how to say any of them.
Will post when things become a little more clear.
parallel intersections
I’ve been stuck trying to make parallel lines come to intersections. My life of recent has felt disconnected.
I’m trying to come up with a plan. What plan that is, I’m not really sure. But more or less I’m feeling like I’ve come to a place where I’m tired of just floating along.
Many of you who read this might or might not know that I was in search for a new youth ministry position. Over the last 4 or 5 months I had been talking to a church about a position. I ended up having two interviews with them after the previous youth director (whom I know well) recommended me as his number 1 pick to replace him. Then after the 2nd interview (which were phone interviews) I kinda sensed that things were on the bubble. Either they were going to really like the answers that I gave to many of their questions and my wanting to think about broad and big topics as opposed to giving very “boxed” answers or they were looking for someone who was probably more “safe” than I was willing to be. Not that I don’t have a passion for youth ministry, but I’m really at this place where “the way it is” or “the way it has always been” aren’t good enough. I really want to explore the unknown, challenge the status quo, do things that aren’t typical. Which I can understand seem a bit unnerving for many churches. But that’s where I am, and I’m not going to deny myself that just to get a job.
I guess that rolls over to my personal life too. I’m still feeling like I’m needing a change. I’m ready for something BIG. But I still don’t know what that is. Or where to find that.
I have my life and the things I do. That’s one line. Then there’s all these opportunities and adventures out there that I’d love to follow. That’s the other line.
For the life of me I can’t figure a way to jump tracks and find a 90 degree turn that will lead me over to the other line. I can’t even seem to find a turn off that might even lead me slightly off course. Not even a gradual slant.
Maybe these things I long for can’t even be sough after with a slant. Maybe they truly are 90 degree turns. Maybe they don’t intersect and I must find myself in a place where I can get close enough to make that leap of faith as if I am on a speeding car and must leap over the rushing road to another vehicle only a mere feet away but which will lead me on a completely new path.
As much as I’d like to be tied down to a woman or a job that I love, I don’t have those things right now. I have the freedom to do ANYTHING more or less. What’s stopping me?
Yes I’m comfortable. Yes I enjoy nice things. Yes I shop at trader joe’s. I like these things. I guess maybe I think that if I do something else it means giving these things up.
Then there’s seminary. That’s always been an option and will be an option until I get there. There’s a huge part of me that’s resisting.
Not because I don’t think I can handle it, but more the fact that I really believe that I need to process things in a real world environment before I go back to an academic environment to let more things stew around in my head.
But maybe that’s one of my hang ups that I need to get over.
Well folks that’s what’s rambling around in my head this morning.
Off to the golf course, maybe that will give me more clarity or just frustrate me more so.
Have a great day!
vay-kay
I’m off to mammoth mountian for my first real vacation in over a year. I’ll be back sometime thurs night.
It’s going to be an amazing few days of relaxing, snowboarding, blogging, writing, thinking, praying, sleeping, eating, web-designing, photographing, and so much more. We have wi-fi at the cabin we are staying at so expect to hear from me.
Also really looking forward to the MacWorld keynote on Tues.
waitforit…pt 4
Sorry folks, no surprise. I got you and me all worked up for nothing. The thing that I had hoped would come through didn’t. False promises and unrealistic hope.
I’m bummed as much as you all are. I still won’t reveal what it was going to be, as is it might still happen, be it not anytime soon. But maybe, just maybe, in the not so near future.