Doogie Howser Did It, So Why Not Me?

What Do You Know – Douglas Sarine – Cooking

Last week’s What Do You Know – Christine Taylor – Toys

Let me just say Doug Sarine @douglassarine on twitter is probably the funniest guy you might know that you’ve seen before. He’s one half of the Ask A Ninja team who was blowing up YouTube before YouTube was a household term. I’m not going to tell you which 1/2 of the Ninja team he is but at this point if you can’t figure that out then you don’t deserve to be on the internet. I met Doug back when I was doing a stint in journalism and the Ninja team was going to be at Comic Con one year, as I recall it was a great interview but those tapes have gone the way of (insert some ninja reference here). I also have a cool connection to Doug through his better half, Sarah Atwood @sarahatwood on twitter who was one of the first people I met on twitter that I didn’t already know, it was so long ago I can’t even remember how I started following her but we got along well enough. Sarah herself has been a part of the video blogging landscape from time to time (I wish she’d do more) and is always a fun person to be around. But back to Doug. It’s always a pleasure running into Doug around at events and functions in LA, he’s not the type of guy who’s in your face which is a juxtaposition to his onscreen presence which consistently makes me pee my pants a little when I laugh too hard. I was really intrigued when I got his entry for this blog series, here’s a very funny man who can make you think quite deeply about the mysteries of the egg.

Enjoy Doug’s post on Cooking.

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Declaration of Food – by Douglas Sarine

When in the third course of hungry events, it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the waist bands which have restrained their growth, and to consume among the foods of the earth, the separate and equal satiation to which the Laws of Eatin’ and of Eatin’ Good entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of The Food Network requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the ingestion.

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During the first 15 years of my life I was lucky in food. Firstly, I had it. Having food is a big part of eating and eating is a big part of staying alive. Many people in the world are not lucky in food. Over 30,000 people everyday die from starvation, the majority of them are children. As a child, I had food. I am thankful for that fact and that I had people in my life that desired to feed me healthy foods. My mother, as it must come as no shock whatsoever, was the person who took the main interest in my diet for those years. She kept sweets and fats to an absolute minimum. A freshly washed apple-au-natural was dessert in our home. She encouraged me to eat the abhorrently healthy items, like steamed spinach, with a technique called the I Love You Helping; which consisted of three spoonfuls (I, Love, You). Consuming those spoonfuls proved that, although I hated the offering, I still loved and respected the woman who had worked tirelessly to bring it to my plate. If I didn’t eat it, it meant I didn’t love my mother. Health through guilt. I ate that spinach. I was a healthy child.

When I was 15 I got a job. I had my own money. I immediately turned my back on that lucky and healthy youth and entered a phase of malcontent mastication. I ate very poorly for the next 15 years…on purpose. I feigned nutritional ignorance and devoured the forbidden fruits of my youth like a glutton (none which were actual fruits, unless you count deep-fried apple pie as a fruit). It started with tater tots at the high school cafeteria. Tots are of course a gateway starch that leads to McDonald’s French fries when you’re allowed to go off campus for lunch during senior year. At university I became a culinary werewolf, except instead of being man most of the month and a beast on one day, I was a cheap eats beast on most days and a seemingly normal man only when I was home visiting my folks and doing laundry. After college, I became a full on werewolf. Every meal included several I Hate Me Helpings of sugars and fats in whatever form was available…for cheap. I was an unhealthy young adult.

Now as an adult who is at least 30 and at least 30lbs overweight, I find myself searching through the fat for the healthiness of my youth. I have a hazy craving for the childhood that I strangled with a Twizzler. I’m awkwardly working at redefining a conscious awareness of what I put in my body as it pertains to all that I need from food. Nutrition. Taste. Experience. I enjoy experiencing food. I watch Food Network all the time. I love going to new restaurants. Discovery of cuisine is a genuine passion of mine. But, I struggle with the balance between nutrition and taste. To me, it’s a battle between good and good.

The stomachus firma that I’ve found to eat on is cooking. I find that cooking makes me immensely aware of the content that I am putting in my body, both in terms of flavor and nourishment. If it’s bad for me, it’s my fault. If it taste bad, that’s my fault. I’m responsible for what goes in me from start to finish. That makes me care. It is up to me to create meals with I Love Me Helpings. Through cooking for myself I hope to find harmony between my brain and my belly.

So far, I’m really good at eggs.

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BIO

Douglas Sarine is a content creator. To say anymore would be confusing.